It ain't easy

It ain't easy to be a working mum at all. I used to enjoy so much on my work, I could work until midnight and even staying up whole night, Joe called me a workaholic, but I always remember what my mum taught me since young, if you were not born as smart as other people, you have to work harder than them to get to where they are. But ever since I became a mum, I had to sacrifice my work life for family, I have to. there is no 2nd option, in fact, it is not even an option.

Especially when your kids are sick and you have a project schedule to meet, that is the moment you need to choose, and again, you know it is not even an option for you. Just like now. Oscar has been sick for days, high fever, cough nonstop, runny nose. And his little body had been injected with too many medicine, paracetamol, zrytec, ventamol, rhinathiol, molitium..and still he is not getting even better. I knew this time he is going through a tough battle, but what a mother could do is only keep checking his temp every hour and praying he would take in the next feeding of the medicine without alot of struggling, coaxing or whatsoever.

Oscar is a kid who is really scared to take medicine since he was a baby, now he is 4 years old and he isnt doing any better. He would puke the whole of you even before the spoon of medicine reach him, just by the thought of " they are going to feed me medicine" can already kill him, he will struggle, cry like nobody business and at last, all the drama will end up with us, cleaning up all his vomitus. it is a never fail playing scene. I have tried coaxed him, even using the hard way, but it never work wonderfully. But it is totally different with Emma, you could just syringe her with any medicine with you carry her in your arm of course. I wish Oscar could be easier, but no, even he knew the medicine syrup doesnt taste bad at all, he still afraid.

I cant blame him, every kids is different, but whenever he is sick, I felt like i have an emotional rollercoaster. Not just emotionally but physically too. And also, me and Joe will argue more than ever, and that is the moment i would feel like why on earth i married this unreasonable man. I hope i dont sound very alien. Joe had a lot of different stands with me, for example, he would think coughing is not a big deal, he always think Oscar is doing ok, he doesnt need that much of medicine, but for me, coughing nonstop at night is NOT OK, fever coming back in less than 4 hours gap is NOT OK, and back to house chores, I dont think rubbish that stays in the bin for 2 days is ok! I can only say we seems to have alot of divergence ever since we have kids. 

It really not easy to be a mum, a working mum, a working mum who is still exclusively breastmilk pumping, a working mum who has 2 small babies who always sick.

if i ever overcome any of the hurdle in life where my hurdle now is taking care of the sick kid when i can still deliver my job with a good and excellent work, i give myself a hats off, a pat on my shoulder, a welldone to myself. 

and now, all i need is sleep.

hopefully the sick kid could get better tomorrow.